Lord of The Rings, the Downfall
by Faerra
Summary: ...the wonders of hyperness and watching LoTR three times in a row! ;...anyway...it's about friends who are sudenly brought to middle earth...can Legolas survive the screaming fan girl? no...I think not. Chapter 29 is up! yay!
1. That Hotass Elf Dude!

Ok, first of all. Yes, this is one of those cheesy, weird stories about people getting sucked into middle earth.and yes, it does revolve around legolas! ^^ *Dreamy sigh* so if you have a problem with me crushing all your dreams about Orlando Bloom/Legolas loving you, then don't read it! P.s.. Joc is pronounced Joce, Or Jos. Not Jock. *Glarey glarey* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sam sighed, rapping her fingers against the wood of her desk. As she chewed on a pencil, thinking about geography homework, the phone rang. She glared at it and picked it up.  
  
"Hello?" She said, a little annoyed. It had interrupted her line of thought. And right when she had the answer to question 13. The greeting was meet by a loud screaming, half English, half Elvish. Only one person who had her phone number could speak Elvish that well. "Joc! Calm Down! Mellllo."  
  
"Sam! We have to go! It's-it's-" there was a fan-girl scream and a thud as Joc hit the floor. Sam sighed and waited for Joc to stand back up. "It's The Two Towers! You know what that means! .Right? Don't you? Answer me damn it!"  
  
"You know I didn't see the first one, Joc. And I don't care." Sam rolled her eyes, not being anywhere near the devoted Lord of The Rings that Joc was.  
  
She started yelling at her in Elvish. "Leggie! Legolas! The Prince of Mirkwood! That Hot-ass elf dude! Come on, Sam, work with me!" There was a sigh from the other end of the phone, and Sam guessed that Joc had once again lost herself in looking into Orlando Bloom eyes.on a poster.  
  
"Alright, and your point was..?" Sam looked at the clock, wondering how long Her best friend would be describing Orlando Bloom.  
  
"The Two Towers! Your coming! It starts at 1:13! Be at my house!" and the phone was hung up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
By the way.I'm Joc..and Legolas/Orlando Bloom is hot.ya. 


	2. I WANT MY LEGGIE!

^^ yay! I'm writing more! Cause I Wanna!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After calling Sam, Cody, and Julia, and forcing them to come to the movie, she was finally there.  
  
The Second Movie. The Two Towers. The Movie with that hot-ass elf guy in it. She let out a dreamy sigh, staring into the screen. Cody elbowed her in the ribs.  
  
"I don't have a good feeling about this." He said quietly. Known for his super-stitsous ways, Cody was, well, he was strange. He had spikey black hair and wore only black. You'ld think he was a goth but. He was on the football team.  
  
"Shut up and wait for the movie Code." Julia, like Sam, not being a lord of the rings fan, hadn't wanted to come, but Joc forced her. Damn Jocelyn and her pretending to cry. All the while, Samantha glared at the screen, not speaking, not talking, not nothing.  
  
"No, It's the thirteenth minute, of the thirteenth hour, of the thirteenth day, of the thirteenth month. Plus it's theater number thirteen and there are only thirteen seats in the whole damn place." He glared around at the tiny movie theater.  
  
Joc Shrugged. Then broke her contact with the movie screen. "Wait a minute.there is no thirteenth month." Cody shrugged.  
  
"Well it made it sound scarier." They all nodded and Joc went back to staring at the screen. It started to flash pictures of the actors across the screen. As Orlando Bloom was shown as Legolas, Joc screamed and fainted, falling on Cody. "I swear, if she keeps doing this she's going to miss half the movie!"  
  
Joc soon woke up as the movie started. Every time she saw Legolas wearing his tight tights she started to giggle. The others sighed and shook their heads. Soon enough, cause no body else cared, Joc ran up to the front of the screen and sat, staring at her 'Leggie'. Cody came down to sit beside her, and soon enough Julia and Sam came too. Suddenly the movie started doing flash backs to The Fellowship and Joc stood up swearing in Elvish. "I swear, if it doesn't get fixed, somebody's going to be roasting over the Aikanaro! I'm complaining!" She stood up and glared at everybody. "I WANT MY LEGGIE!" she stomped up to the projector room to find somebody to complain to. Now the scene was in Elrond's council. Merry and Pippin had just ran in and were talking. Suddenly there was another person. A person who wasn't supposed to be there. Swearing in elvish, which came up in subtitles, Joc blinked and looked around. Suddenly she screamed and threw herself at Legolas, knocking him down. 


	3. giggle he's wearing tights!

Cody stomped up to the projector room as Julia and Sam were staring dumb- founded at their friend on the screen, tackling Legolas and shouting things along the line of "Pleasemarryme! Iloveyousomuch! Yourthehottestbestestbestelfguyintheworld! Middleearthtoo!" Aragorn and Boromir ran over to try and help the poor elven lad who had been attacked by the 'evil fan girl of death'.  
  
Soon Julia and Sam saw cody appear on the screen. He blinked and looked at where he had come from. "See! I Told you this was a bad thing! NOW I'M TRAPPED IN HELL!" By this time Joc had moved on to smothering Boromir in her hugs, then Aragorn. She froze, looking at the future king of men.  
  
"Your greasy.get some soap, THEN you get hugs.or you can just suck face with Arwen.I don't like you anymore!" she started crying and hugging Boromir. "And Your gunna diiiiiiiie!" She clung to him as he looked around confused and patted her shoulder, trying to be comforting.  
  
"GO INOT THE PROJECTOR ROOM AND GO TO HELLLLLLL!" Cody was yelling at the screen and Julia and Sam. Suddenly Arwen walked by and Cody's head snapped back. You could almost see his droll. Aragorn walked up behind him and put a firm hand on his shoulder. Cody blinked and flushed, walking away to sulk against a wall.  
  
Julia and Sam shrugged and walked up to projector room. They went in and found themselves.in a projector room. "what the Hell? This is screwed." Sam took another step and disappeared into Middle Earth.  
  
"Sam? Ok, This isn't funny gu-" Julia blinked as the Fellowship looked at her. "-ys" Boromir had let go of Joc and she ran back to Legolas, who now had the starts to duck behind the bench as Joc launched herself at him. She caught herself and grabbed his leg, and started to giggle. "He's wearing the Tights!"  
  
"Please, Some one." Legolas' voice sounded pitifully sad. He smacked Joc's hand as it started to pull on his cloak. "Any one?"  
  
Joc Giggled.  
  
"My foot is going numb." every one stood staring at them. It was elrond who spoke next.  
  
"Well.I suppose you'll be staying in Rivendell? I can arrange some rooms for you. then tonight you can tell us about.yourselves?" cody shrugged and Sam was shaking. Pippin and Merry had come over to poke Julia, who was but a tiny bit taller then her.  
  
"Stop it! Stop it! Frodo! Call off your hobbits!" 


	4. Amin delotha lle

^^ LEGGIE WEARS TIGHTS! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
All that day, Joc clung to Legolas' leg, so he had to stand outside her room, barely being able to walk.  
  
"Maybe you should go change?" He had tried to make friends with the screaming fan-girl, but whenever she heard his voice, she either fainted, or screamed.  
  
"Maybe.but first, say something in Elvish to me!" She giggled and clung to his foot.  
  
"I thought you know Elvish." He looked at her.  
  
"Oh, I do, it's just nice to hear your voice!" she giggled again.  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Amin delotha lle" Joc squealed.  
  
"It sounds so romantic!"  
  
"I said, 'I hate you'" He looked at her, trying to give her a hint.  
  
"But you didn't mean it! Cause you love me! Just like how I love you! Canwegetmarriedyet? It'llbefun!" she started talking so fast in a blend of English and Elvish that legolas gave up and sighed.  
  
Thankfully Samantha and Boromir came up. Sadly, thought Joc, Samantha never saw the fellowship and isn't aware that she has a crush on a dead man. Legolas shot a thankfull look at Boromir, who shrugged in reply.  
  
"WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR THIS?!?!?" Sam shouted and Joc, who cowered behind Leggie's leg.((*giggle* that rhymes! .well it doesn't, but it does something!)) It was then that she realized Samantha was wearing a dress! A nice frilly elven one that was purple and clashed horribly with her red hair.  
  
"Protect me Leggie! Shoot something!" Joc giggled and huggled his foot.  
  
"I'll shoot you." he muttered under his breath. Boromir covered him.  
  
"But Sammy, you look so beautiful in that dress!" Once again, his charm covered him.  
  
She blushed. Then paused and glared at him. "Don't. Call. Me. Sammy." And then she stomped out of the room. Boromir turned to Joc.  
  
"I think you should be getting changed." He smiled that charming smile.  
  
She nodded, then looked at legolas, angry and sulking. "But what if he gets away?" Boromir pursed his lips in thought.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll keep him here." He winked. Joc giggled and let go of Legolas' ankle. Boromir nodded, Legolas' glared at him, and Joc went into her room to change into a dress.  
  
Then, Boromir slammed against the door, and Joc could here his deep voice shouting;  
  
"Run, Legolas! RUN!" 


	5. I can't stay angry at you!

*Giggles* I WILL GET YOU YET, LEGGIE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Joc fumed and glared at Boromir, even slapping him once, once he had let her out of the room. Boromir had to admit, she did look beautiful in the soft pale-blue gown.  
  
"Where'd he go?!?!?" she shouted it so loud that even Elrond flinched.  
  
"Uhh.that way?" Boromir pointed down the corridor. "Thank you. And goodbye." She started running down the corridor towards Legolas' rooms.  
  
Soon she got there and threw open the door, glaring at Legolas, who was laying on his bed. "YOU CHEAT !YOU DIRTY, NO GOOD-" At this point she started yelling this in elven that could have made a grown man cry.  
  
Meanwhile, Aragorn was sitting with Arwen, who was patting his back lovingly. She noticed a tear in his eye. "Are you alright, Love?"  
  
He nodded Silently.  
  
Legolas chrugged. He paled a little at some of the words, but stayed strong. Soon enough, Joc gave in.  
  
"I can't stay angry at you!" she jumped him, burrowing her face into his robe. He coughed a like uncomfortably and sighed. This was going to be a long night. 


	6. The Shrine of Leggo Ma Eggo!

Sam glared down the hallway. "This. Isn't. Fair." She looked at the evil purple dress she had been forced to wear, and thought of the nice light blue on Joc had on. If she had to wear a dress, then it might as well have been a nice one.  
  
She glanced into a room, which happened to be Aragorn's. He and Arwen were making-out. "Oh, stop sucking face, guppies!" Aragorn swore and stood up, but by this time Sam had already left. She shoved open the door to Cody's room, and saw him. Then started to giggle.  
  
"Oh, shut up." His black eyes threw daggers at her.  
  
"And I thought I had it rough!" Although her purple dress was both ugly and should have been illegal, seeing Cody wearing Tights and an orange tunic had to have been the funniest thing in the world.  
  
"Don't you say a word, Samantha. It's bad enough that we're trapped in hell, but having to dress like this?" He spit at the ground. "Would you believe they took away my make-up?!?!?" Sam had only noticed now that Cody looked, well, clean. "They even forced me to take a bath." Sam giggled. She hadn't seen Cody with-out his black eye shadow for 4 years, and had forgotten how funny he looked.  
  
"You think you've had a bad day? Look at me! THOSE ELVES TOOK AWAY MY JEANS!" She shook her head angrily. "Plus I saw Princey and Evening star over there sucking face! It's bad enough to make a blind man cry!" Cody didn't laugh at Sam's expense. Something was wrong. If possible, Cody's grim face went bleaker. "Hello? You ok?" She waved a hand in front of his face and he blinked.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Sorry." He looked up again.  
  
"And even worse, think about that elf dude! I mean, I saw Jocelyn making a little shrine to him in her room!" She paused long enough for both of them to shudder. "Plus she won't let go of him.she's tied a rope ankle to ankle, and I swear she's taking his knives." Cody nodded sadly, and Julia knocked on the door.  
  
Cody opened it, causing Julia to collapse into a fit of giggles. "Stop it. And what is it?" Julia recovered long enough to tell them that Elrond was ready to talk to them, before laughing again.  
  
When they got down to the dinning room, they saw that two others had beat them too it. Legolas sat sadly, his head in his hands as Joc chatted happily to him, telling her life story. Legolas started to get up but stopped as the rope that attached him to Joc's ankle went taught. He moaned inwardly and sat down again, looking with begging eyes at the others. 


	7. Thats the Point

As Joc cheerfully explained about the movie, Legolas continued to sulk.  
  
"-and so, here we are!" she finished explaining. Then paused and looked at Boromir. "And you, stay away from Orcs. Trust me, they have big bows, and sharp arrows that aren't good for your health." Boromir blinked and shifted uneasily.  
  
Legolas sighed. "Awww.Whats wrong Leggie?" Joc patted his shoulder. All the others stared at them.  
  
"Please, dear god. Some one put me out of my misery." Legolas started muttering in elvish, shaking his head. Joc looked and the others and whispered in Boromir's ear((he was sitting next to her)) "who do you think is making Leggie so stressed out?" Boromir coughed and looked at her, as did the others. She shrugged and went back to huggling Legolas, as Julia walked in late.  
  
If there was one good thing about Julia, was her taste in clothes. The elves had given HER a good selection.unlike Sam. Julia curtsied, and although she hated Lord of The Rings, she loved this dress. It's light green fabric shimmered and she looked wonderful. Aragorn caught himself staring, only because Arwen elbowed him in the ribs, hard. Pippin on the other hand, fell out of his chair. He had fallen in love, and Julia had gotten her first of many stalkers.  
  
Joc looked at her and went back to talking to Legolas, who started banging his head on the table.  
  
"Hey! Don't do that Leggie! You could hurt yourself!"  
  
"That's the point." He continued until Elrond came up to Joc.  
  
"My Lady.I think you should let Legolas retire to his chambers.He looks a little tired." Legolas gave Elrond the most thankful look in the world, but Joc giggled.  
  
"Did you guys hear that? He called me a lady!" she almost fell over laughing. 


	8. Be Free sob

After everything had finished, and Joc had dragged Legolas away, to the horror of all his companions, Sam was walking to her room, when Boromir stepped out in front of her, a large package under his arm.  
  
She glared at him. "What? I'm trying to get to my room, thank you very much." She tried to sidestep past him but he sidestepped to block her.  
  
"After I give you this, Fair Maiden." Sam looked at him suspiciously as he pulled the package from under his arm and gave it to her. She opened the bag and gasped, almost falling over. She looked into his charming eyes as the lights dimming romantical and.  
  
Screamed a fan-girl scream, hugged him, and ran to her room to change from the god-forsaken purple dress into the beautiful navy blue one Boromir had given her. He sighed as Cody came up and put a hand on Boromir's shoulder.  
  
"Hey, don't worry bud. She's always has been, and always will be this romantical hopeless."  
  
Julia walked through the beautiful landscape of Rivendell, her fingers trailing along the branch of a tree when there was a camera click. Her grey eyes narrowed and she turned around, seeing; nothing. She shrugged and continued walking.  
  
Untill another whir and click of a camera. She glared at a random bush, because she could. "Ok, Cody, Sam. Come out. And if it's Joc, bring Legolas out with you." Nothing moved and she looked around, a little confused. She heard and chuckle and dove at the nearest bush, ramming into: "PIPPIN?!?!?!"  
  
The hobbit gave a nervous chuckle as Julia kept him pinned and grabbed the Polaroid camera he had in his hands. "Where in all the worlds did you get this, Pippin?"  
  
He shrugged. "Cody lent it to me. It's really amazing!" She glared at him and he shut up.  
  
"So why were you taking pictures of me?" Pippin coughed uncomfortably and looked nervous. Julia stood up, brushed off her dress and glared at him. "Hobbits!" she stalked towards Elrond's house with the camera.  
  
Meanwhile, Merry was talking to Joc. The only way he could talk to her alone, was lock Legolas in her room and speak quietly. "Listen, you can't just keep him! He needs to be free! He isn't happy you know!"  
  
Joc sniffled. "But-but, I love him!" she took a tissue out of her bag and blew her nose.  
  
"I know. But elves just can't live in one room! They need Space! And Lego-"  
  
"Leggie."  
  
"And Leggie can't live on without the out doors! Just give Him and Boromir a good hunt and I'm sure he'll be fine!"  
  
"Boromir. Can't trust him. He help Leggo Ma Eggo Escape." Joc glared at the wall above The hobbits head.  
  
"Well, look at it this way. Leggie can't hide from you forever!" Joc smiled. No, he couldn't. she sighed and stood up.  
  
"Fine. I'll do it." She went back to her room and opened the door. Legolas groaned and covered his head with his hands to protect it, but after a few moments he heard a muffled sob and Joc hadn't ran into him yet. He looked up and saw her crying into her sleeve. He got up and walked over, patting her on the back, trying to be comforting.  
  
"You alright?" He noticed she hadn't shut the door yet.  
  
She shook her head and pushed him away towards the door. "Just-go. Be free Leggie1 be freee!" this started a new wave of tears as Legolas was pushed out the door for his own good. 


	9. still obcessed? wowthe first chappy not ...

After Julia had 'spoken' with Cody about giving hobbits camera's, and giving it back, Cody sat on his bed. He sighed, after being trapped in 'Hell', forced to wear tights, not looking gothic at all, and being too clean, he had fallen in love with the girl of the future king of mankind. He hit his head against the headboard. At least he knew who it was he was up against.  
  
And that he had no chance. He sighed and stood up. Maybe a good old fashioned depression session with Joc would help it out of his system. Nah, she was still over that elf dude. He ran a hand through his hair. Maybe if he talked to Boromir.nope. He was head over heels for Sam.  
  
He couldn't help but chuckle. Poor sap. Trying to get Sam. Even with his good looks®, pointy sword®, and stubble®((the three main things that make him hot! ^^)), Sam would have no interest in him. The hobbits were useless. Half of them were gay, the other one.he liked Julia, what did that say about him.  
  
That Left Aragorn. Maybe he should just confess. He stood up and walked to the door. Closing it behind him he passed Sam, busy bouncing on her bed in her new puffy Boromir Dress. She was giggling, something no one had ever heard. She started bouncing higher, and hit her head on the ceiling. She swore and fell onto the bed, then giggled and rolled off it, then under it. Cody blinked as he heard Sam saying in a dreamy sort of voice 'No! I swear! I don't know how the yellow elephants hugged the purple zebras!" He decided to walk on.  
  
He soon stood infront of Aragorns door, and a little noise inside told him that someone was still inside. He pushed the door in quietly, and what he saw will haunt him for the rest of his days. No, it was not Aragorn in a grass skirt singing in elven and table dancing for frodo and sam, although it would have the same effect. Aragorn was sitting on his bed, Arwen beside him. They were passionately kissing. Passionately enough to push Cody's fragile state of sanity over the edge.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!" He shouted at the top of his lungs and pushed in through the door. Aragorn stood up, and Arwen looked all pretty and helpless again.  
  
"We're busy." Aragorn said it in a low, angry voice.  
  
"Well I can see that, can't I, you greasy perverted Ape?" Cody's teeth gritted and he glared all his hate for the world at Aragorn.  
  
"Then why don't you leave, I wouldn't want Arwen to be corrupted by such an insolent fool." Aragorn stepped closer to Cody threateningly.  
  
"Corrupted? Geez, you act like she's a virgin!" As the look on Aragorns face turned to rage Cody laughed. "Oh my god. You think she IS a virgin!" he almost fell over laughing.  
  
Soon, after more insults and threats, a fist fight started. With Cody not knowing the finer points in brawls, and was almost getting his ass kicked, Boromir finally ran in upon hearing shouts and things breaking.  
  
"STOP IT!" she shouted, and everyone froze. "Ok, lets stop the fighting. "Him of all people, glared at them. "Cody, go back to your room, Arwen go back to your room to. Aragorn, go to sleep. I'm going back to bed." He glared once more and started back out, Arwen and Cody following him. 


	10. Leggie, hide! ' damn you Sam

After Legolas had left Joc, so he 'could be free' he was at a loss of what to do. For the past two days, he had only to listen to Joc's constant chatter and nodded a few times. But now she had given back most of his property, his extra pair of tights were gone, but he didn't want to think about those.  
  
He decided to take a walk in the garden, and for the first time in two days he didn't have that annoying girl hanging on his leg. He sat down on a bench and closed his eyes, sighing.  
  
Joc had been trapped in her room, for the good of Legolas, and to give him a fighting chance to get away from her. Unfortunately the bench he had chosen to sit at was one of the few near Joc's room. She stared out the window at him and couldn't take it anymore. Soon the problem was getting Sam in and convincing her to flirt with Boromir so Joc could get outside her room to 'stretch her legs'.  
  
"So, uhh.Boromir.What's up?" Sam, the romantical Hopeless it was, trying to distract Boromir.Well, it as a sad sight.  
  
Boromir shrugged. "The Sky? How should I know?" Sam laughed.  
  
"No no. When I say, Whats up' you say what your doing." Boromir looked a little confused, but nodded. "So, What's up?"  
  
"I'm just making sure that Joc can't get out and terrorize Legolas again." From inside the room came a muffled sob and a shout of "MY LEGGIE! GONE!" and Boromir sighed, shaking his head.  
  
"Ummm, Bory ((geez, how can you give him a pet name! -.-')), ya think you can do a little something for me?" Sam looked around suspiciously, expecting Julia and Cody to be standing there laughing at her.  
  
"Maybe.." He looked at her strangely.  
  
"Oh, shit. Just go into your room and wait there. I'll let you out later." Sam gave up with trying to flirt and shoved Boromir into the room opposite Joc's and locked the door. Then she opened Joc's. "Fine, go." Joc giggled insanely and ran out the room, lifting up her dress. She may have put on Elven style soft boots, but by good, THEY WOULD NOT HAVE HER PURPLE AND PINK SOCKS!  
  
Sam shook her head as Joc's giggling turned into evil laughter. "Please, have pity on anyone she sees-" she looked out a window and saw an unsuspecting Legolas. "LEGOLAS! HIDE!" She shouted out the window before Boromir broke through the door and squished Sam against the door. 


	11. Look out Legolas! She has a Cell Phone!

Resisting the urge to jump onto Leggie, Joc sat down behind him. He had guessed it was she and as he opened his eyes to look at here you could see the nervous twitch he had developed in the past few days. She coughed and looked at him.  
  
"What. Never seen an elf try to relax?" Legolas was not in the mood for this and his eye was still twitching.  
  
"Actualy no. But that's not the point. I wanted to show you something." He started to edge away from her.  
  
"Oh, god no! Not THAT sort of thing! My Cell phone! Or more.Samantha's." She shrugged. Her friend hadn't noticed when she took it. Legolas looked at her blankly.  
  
"Here, it's how you talk to people over long distances without shouting." She started talking let explaining things to a three year old. Suddenly it started to ring. And Legolas jumped up and swore. He almost drew his bow to shoot it before Joc answered it.  
  
Joc- Hello?  
  
Kyle- Hey.Joc? Why do you have Sam's phone again.  
  
Joc-Well, ya know she leaves it around a lot-  
  
Kyle- Oh shut up and get her.  
  
Joc paused and heard a giggle from inside Elrond's house.  
  
Joc- She's uh. Busy, ya that's it.  
  
Legolas stared at her like she was crazy.  
  
Kyle- Anyway, where are you guys? I've been waiting at the mall for hours. People are starting to look at me funny!  
  
Joc- Oh My God! You have to meet him! One minute!  
  
She stood up and ran forward to Legolas, staring at the phone in her hand. "Ok Leggie. Just talk into it." She handed him the phone and he looked at it and held it up to his head.  
  
Legolas- Hello?  
  
Kyle- .  
  
Legolas- Ummm.Joc, why am I doing this again?  
  
"Just trust me."  
  
Legolas- Well.Hello?  
  
Kyle- .stop the joke, Joc.you don't know Orlando Bloom.as much as you'd like to.  
  
Legolas- Who's this Orlando Bloom?  
  
Kyle- Well.who is this?  
  
Legolas- Legolas Greenleaf, prince of Mirkwood. And you are?  
  
At this point Kyle got pissed off and hung up the phone. Legolas shrugged and handed it back to Joc, who hung up.  
  
"See? It's Awesome!" Legolas still looking a little confused, but at least the frightened look on his face from Joc was gone. 


	12. Again! No Leggie! What am I thinking of?

There was a knock on Julia's door and she moaned softly.  
  
"If it's a hobbit, go away! I'm not here!" She burying her head in a pillow.  
  
"It's just me." Grimli's voice echoed through the door.((I just realized he hasn't been in any other part of the book! -.-'))  
  
"Ok, Come in." She looked up suspiciously. The Dwarf didn't seem to like her much. Grimli pushed the door open and Pippin and Merry rushed in, crowding around Julia, who had now stood up. "ACK! Git off you liddle buggers!" she fought her way to the door.  
  
Cody sighed as A random Elf Maiden dabbed at his black-eye from the fight the other day with Aragorn.  
  
"It isn't fair you know. I mean really." Cody continued complaining about life. The elf, only being a servant nodded in silence, not understanding English. "So, anyway, he gets the girl AND becomes king of Man. The only revenge I get is the fact that Boromir dies. Not that it really affects Aragorn." The elf continued to nod.  
  
"Long story short, Arwen's pointless in the plot if you ask me." He continued going on about the book as the elf rolled her eyes and pressed his sore eye a little to hard, shutting him up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes. I know it's short.but People keep bugging me to keep going and I don't work well under stress.-.-' plus I'm not as hyper right now. 


	13. Oh no! Jocelyn Repellent!

Finally it looked like Joc had gotten over her obsession with Legolas. Sam Sighed. Now, if only she could find her cell phone. She looked though her bag again and rubbed her nose. It was still sore from Boromir running into her. Tomorrow the Fellowship was going to leave, so that Sam and the others could think of how to get back.  
  
Today, the four were going to give the Fellowship a few things to 'help' them on their journey, so they each were going though his or her pack to find anything that might to good to have.  
  
Finally when Sam found everything for the group ((but her Cell phone)), she walked to the garden, where Legolas and Joc were waiting and talking in low voices. Sam gave them a suspicious look and walked over.  
  
"Joc.why aren't you clinging to Elfy's leg?" Sam sat down on the other side of Legolas and saw his ye twitch.  
  
Joc shrugged. "I've grown up. Is that ok?" She noticed a small spasm in her hand.  
  
"Well, fine. You brought the stuff for Elfy and his friends?" Joc nodded and Legolas glared at Sam.  
  
"It's bad enough with her calling me 'Leggy" all the time! I HAVE A NAME YOU KNOW!" Legolas twitched again.  
  
"Legolas does have a point there, Sam. It's rude to use racial slurs." Sam stared at Joc. Then she grabbed Legolas' shoulders and shook him.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE REAL JOCELYN?!?! And thanks! ^^" She hugged him and let go of a badly shaken elf.  
  
By then a few more of the fellowship had come out, along with Julia. She came and hid behind Legolas just as Pippin and Merry ran out.  
  
"Think she likes us?" Pippin piped.  
  
"Of cooooourse she does!" Merry looked all happy.  
  
Pippin nodded. "Oh Julia! Juuuuuuuuuuulia!" Julia cringed behind Legolas' back and Joc and Sam looked at her funny.  
  
Elrond came out just in time to narrowly avert the disaster of Pippin and Merry finding Julia. Behind him came a beat-up and downtrodden looking Cody.  
  
"Now that everyone's here, let begin." He gestured to Cody to sit down as with the others. Samantha was the first to stand up.  
  
She walked to stand in front of Aragorn. She took a small bar of soap out of her bag and handed it in his hand. She noticed the bewildered look on his face. "It's soap. You lather and rise. Lather and rise. Remember that!" Aragorn nodded, now understanding. Next Sam walked up to Boromir.  
  
"Well, I couldn't really find any of my stuff for ya, but I ended up getting something from Cody!" she smiled and gave him a razor. "Trust me, stubble doesn't look good on you. Plus if you kiss me it'd tickle to much!" she giggled and everyone's eyes went buggy. He coughed a little embarrassed.  
  
"Uhh, thanks." Sam actually skipped up to Legolas.  
  
"And for you, Elf-Legolas." She caught the look of Joc's and changed her mind. "Something really useful!" She pulled out a small.bologna Sandwhich? No why'd she have that with her? "Jocelyn repellent! Just wave it near her and she runs away!" Sam looked all proud with herself.  
  
Legolas looked a little confused and took it. He brought it close to Joc, who whimpered and hid under the bench from him, muttering about how 'the bologna is taunting her'. He smiled and nodded at Sam, who walked up to Gandalf.  
  
"Well, for you is my old game boy! I was planning to give it to Kyle anyway! Plus it comes with Super Mario!" Gandalf looked confused and took the 'Game Boy'. Sam showed him how to turn it on and he started playing it, chuckling. Everyone else looked at him funny.  
  
She moved on to Pippin and Merry. "Here, I know you already have some, but hey." She took out a large bag full of apple and mushrooms. They giggled and started to munch on them.  
  
"Hi-ya Frodo! Here, you can have.Joc's fake ring. It looks like yours! I guess your collecting them now!" She handed Frodo Jocelyn's Lord of the Rings fake 'the one ring'. He looked confused and started comparing it to the real one.  
  
She moved to stand with Sam. "I don't like you. You don't get anything." She moved on, leaving a very sad looking hobbit behind her.  
  
"Ummm, you. You get premisson to use Boromir's Razor!" Sam looked happy and realized she had given out all her stuff. She started to walk away from Grimli to sit down beside Legolas, who was having a grand old time bugging Joc with the Balogna. 


	14. Gum?

The next few are a little short, but I hope they give you seconds of entertainment! ^^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~  
  
Julia stood up next. Luckily Pippin and Merry were too busy eating Mushrooms and Apples to notice her. Her walked over to Aragorn.  
  
"Uhh.I'm not good with gifts, so you get my Wallet." She gave him her pink and purple fuzzy wallet and he looked at it funny before starting to open it. "Don't bother, it's empty." She smiled at him and walked to Boromir.  
  
"You get.anything that was in my Wallet!" she handed him a handful of bus titckets, nickels, and gum.  
  
She went on to Legolas. "You get.Is a pack of gum alright?" she gave him some Trident.  
  
"So, uhh. Gandalf." He kept playing Game Boy. "GANDY!" he looked up. "You get a picture I drew of me and a flower!" She looked all proud and happy.  
  
She carefully stayed away from Pippin and Merry, tossing them some Gum too.  
  
"Grimli, Grimly. What shall I give thee?" Grimli looked at her funny. "^^ A PACK OF GUM!^^"  
  
Boromir looked at Aragorn. "I think she has too much Gum." 


	15. Ooo gum chewing and shrugging!

At this point, Cody stands up in front of everyone. "I don't like you people. Goodbye." And he walks back into elrond's house.  
  
Legolas Shrugged and chewed his gum. 


	16. Pyro Kits! Now theres three of them!

-.-' Sorry for the Delay. Anyway, on with the show! Wait.shouldn't it be book? Well, either way!  
  
We last left our hero's-  
  
Sam: She called me a hero! Joc: SHUT UP! Sam: Wait.shouldn't it be heroine? Joc: ARRRRG! Julia: You do have a point there.we're all heroines! Cody: .Are you implying something? Joc: *as Julia starts hitting Cody in the head with Joc's cd organizer* -.- ' back to the story.  
  
When we last left THE MAIN CHARRIES IN THE STORY, Cody had stopped off into his room. But you already know that, don't you? You probably have just read chapter 15.if not then why are you reading chapter 16? Eh? EH?!?!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Joc jumped up and ran to stand in front of everyone.  
  
"Well, Luckily I foresaw this and brought enough presents for everyone!" a few of the fellowship, and Samantha, groaned. "Hey! It's not my fault I have a personality disorder that makes me bring absolutely everything, including the kitchen sink, with me when I go to the movies. Now! Either apologize or I'll give you only confetti as a present!" there was a mumbled 'sorry' and a '  
  
Whets Confetti?" from Pippin.  
  
"Anyway." she walked over to Aragorn. "For you, Future King of Men" He glared at her. She sounded, well, processed to be truthful. In reality it was her 'Well-your-not-as-hot-as-him-so-you-don't-deserve-a-present" voice. "You get, from me on behalf of Cody, some Twine. Don't ask, just nod." Aragorn nodded, a little confused.  
  
"Boromir!" she skipped over to him, the second hottest of the group ((but compared to Legolas, he nothing!: P)). "You get." She put a hand into her 'magic coat'[1] and pulled out a rubber ducky. "Ducky! Well." She sniffled. "At least he's going to a good cause." She hugged the rubber duck and handed it to a severely frightened Boromir.  
  
She looked at Legolas and smiled, causing him to get that damned nervous twitch again, marring his perfect face. ((*is looking at a Legolas Piccy*)) He's brillant teal eyes narrowed, giving him a mysterious look, and if possible his creamy, soft skin went paler. His thin lips-((ack! Ok! No more describing Legolas! ( Well, anyone who's a TRUE fan should have already memorized what he looks like, now.)) In short, he looked suspisous.  
  
"Your so cute when you do that!" Joc started to giggled and Legolas' eye twitched again. "Anyway, for you frist present.ok, frist we strike a deal!" she sat down beside him and everyone moaned. "You teach me proper Elvish, I give you the present, ok?"  
  
"Well, whats the present?"  
  
"It depends if you give me lessons." Joc and Legolas were now into the REAL deal making bit.  
  
"Would I want it?"  
  
"Probibly."  
  
"Does it have to do with you?"  
  
"No, I stole It off Cody."  
  
Legolas Paused. "It isn't something, well, wrong, is it?" Joc jumped up.  
  
"NO! Don't put such bad images in my mind! I wouldn't give you any nasty stuff of codys! I saving it all for the Halflings!" Legolas nodded and Hobbit Sam looked all Happy. Everyone looked at him and he coughed uncomfortably and tried to look disgusted.  
  
"Fine, I will. No, Cough up my present!" He held his hand out. This was how the frist ever human not born in middle-earth started to know Elvish.Fluently.  
  
Joc reached into her magic coat and took out a small box she smiled and handed it to Legolas. When he opened it, inside was some matches, a lighter which could be really fun, and a small bottle of bug spray. ((tsk tsk, Cody should really keep his Pyro kit safer!)) Legolas chuckled and started to play with the Lighter. Everyone looked at him funny.  
  
"I told you he liked Fire to much." Sam whispered to Julia who nodded.  
  
"I swear, I'ld be frightened if him and Joc had kids."  
  
"Evil would then truly walk the earth." Sam finished and by then Joc continued on to Gandalf, tossed a pepperette at him and ignored Pippin and Merry. When she got up to Sam and took out a pair of tweezers and out of her coat pulled Cody's boxers ((*shudder* *gets hit by cody* hey!)) she tossed them at Hobbit Sam, shuddered.  
  
"Ok, I went through a lot of trouble to get those for you, so cough up the dough!" hobbit Sam glared at her and everyone stared at Hobbit Sam. Finally Samwise threw some gold at Joc who giggled and said something about 'Oooo, Shineyyyyy. My preciousssssss" then stopped as everyone looked at her and went to Frodo.  
  
"And for you, Mr. Midget! MIDGET!" she started to giggle and a random elf came to take her away. She pulled away from him, threw confetti at Frodo and stopped and looked at the elf.  
  
"Hey.I'm as tall as you.I'm as tall as a random elf!" she started to jum[p up and down excitedly and the elves all backed away. She moved on the Grimli.  
  
"You look like a Gumdrop! So Have a GumDrop!" she threw him a gumdrop and started to giggle uncontrollably, frightened the small children and scarring their poor young, fragile elven minds.  
  
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Hey.I think this is my longest yet.yay! ^^  
  
[1] 'Magic Coat' Jocelyn has a trench coat that she oftens wears, and is often known to have thousands of strange and wonderous things inside it! ((No! not those things! You sick perverted person!))  
  
That's all! Yay! Elven lessons! *laughs evilly* Starting Chapter 18, all my lines shall be in Elven! Cody: Oh dear lord. Sam: Ummm, How would we understand you then? Joc: The wonders of subtitles of course! Sam: O. I'm sorry I asked.. Joc: MUHAHAHA! 


	17. uh oh, special presents are never a good...

There was a shout from inside Elrond's house as Joc walked back to stand in front of the fellowship. The male voice from inside yelled something about 'WHERE THE HELL IS MY LIGHTER?!?!?" and a crash as Cody threw a vase off a table. Often falling onto Being a Pyromaniac and self-destructiveness when angry or depressed((such a wonderful combo! Don't worry, this comes into play later in the book)), Cody needed the small Pyro Kit Joc had given Legolas.  
  
Joc flinched and laughed nervously. "So uh, now for the presents from me! And not Cody!" There were a few strange looks at the house, where more crashes sand shouts could be heard. It looked like Cody had found a poor, defenseless elf who had unknowingly stepped into the evil of Cody's anger.  
  
She came back over to Aragorn, ignoring Cody's frantic cries. "For you, Stridy!" Arwen glared at her as Joc took a travel bottle of Shampoo out of her pocket. "Its called Shampooooo.It goes in your hair." Aragorn smiled, making him look retarded for some reason, opened the shampoo bottle, and poured it on his head. "NO! NOT LIKE THAT! WHEN YOUR TAKING A BATH! ARRRRG!" She slapped Aragorn's head, getting shampoo all over her hand. "Eww."  
  
She wiped it on his shirt and walked to Boromir. Suddenly she stopped and blinked. "What's this meeting about again?" She had the oh-so-common confused look on her face.  
  
"Umm.Presents?" Boromir answered her.  
  
"Oh! Right!" She took out of her pocket a 500 ml bottle of beer. Samantha blinked.  
  
"Why do you have beer?" She stood up and walked over to Joc, taking the beer, which happened to be part of the six-pack Joc had in her coat.  
  
"Hey! Give that back! It's Boromir!" Joc lunged for the can, only succeeding in ramming into a bench. "Owies!"  
  
"WHY DO YOU HAVE BEER? And why wasn't I informed?" Sam held the can up above her head. Unfortunately Joc being as tall as that random elf, picked it out of her hand easily.  
  
"Because I'm 21!" She smiled broadly and turned back to Boromir.  
  
"No your not! YOUR 13!" Sam shouted at her.  
  
"Oh shut up! It's really Cody's Brothers Uncles Sons wife's, but who really cares?" Samanatha looked at Jocelyn funny.  
  
"So it's Cody's Second Cousins?" Joc shrugged an answer.  
  
"You could look at it that way, Sam." She turned to face Boromir once again. "Anywho, here is your beer. You'll like it!" Boromir took the can and looked at it. "You drink it. But not right now. Frankly I don't feel like dealing with a drunk dude with a big pointy sword.and a dinner plate shield." Boromir looked slightly injured but hid it well.  
  
As Joc walked to Legolas she winked at him, making him shiver. "I'll give yours at the end.It's special!" Legolas shuddered and everyone looked at him pitifully.  
  
For Gandalf, Joc gave him a new hat. That was all sparkly and pink and purple! She giggled as she put it on him. "You look so good now! You shall now be called Gandalf the Pretty Princess!" She then ran off giggling as Gandalf looked around confused.  
  
Next to fall to Joc's strangeness were Pippin and Merry. They received several handfuls of Blue and White Hanukah glitter. They looked confused, but soon found out the wonders of BWH glitter.  
  
"Frodo, you get.more confetti!" she threw it at him and ran off to Hobbit Sam.  
  
"You will receive." With a flourish she took out a thing of rope. "Rope! Trust me, you'll need it!"  
  
Sam smiled and played with the rope for a while. Joc patted his head and skipped, yes she actually skipped!, over to Legolas, ignoring Grimli.  
  
"Now, for your speeeeecial present!" she looked all proud of herself, not usually a good thing. Legolas looked frightened and fingered his Pyro kit nervously.  
  
"Ok, now promise me you won't injure me, or yourself." Legolas gulped and nodded, looking with pleading eyes at the others.  
  
"Your Present is.me!!!" at this point Joc jumped at Legolas, knocking him off the bench as he screamed; "NO! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Joc glared at anyone who came to near and hissed at Grimli hen he came close.  
  
"Well, so much for 'grown-up'" Sam shook her head and sighed as she idoled Boromir. 


	18. Who IS she? and Gandalf has a creul sens...

Cody: Ok, just to clear things up "" is what people are thinking like right now.  
  
Joc: Legolas is hot. Legolas is hot. Legolas is hot. Legolas is hot. Legolas is- Geez he's hot!  
  
Cody: shudder. Well, that's enough of thoughts' for me.Arwen is hot Arwen is hot. Arwen is hot. Arwen is-God, she's hot! *walks away*  
  
Joc: o ya! Anything in '- -' is subtitles. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After a long night and Boromir getting drunk on a surprisingly little amount of beer, they all amazingly woke up. Legolas was the first to notice something. The beautiful elven maiden laying beside him. He blinked. Again. Then chuckled I didn't have THAT much pipe weed last night.did I? He smiled and as the sleeping elves eyes came into focus.she giggled. Legolas looked and little confused, making the elf giggle more.  
  
"Lle en ikotane urra iire lle atin lorna!"-You're so hot when your asleep!- the elf's voice was soft and musical as she hugged Legolas-nah, clung to him. She sighed. "Aiya, Leggy, lle en alkon quell urraya!" -Oh, Leggy, you're undescribably good looking!-. It was at this point that Legolas freaked out.  
  
"JOC! WHA-? WHO-?" Joc was giggling at him. She wrapped the blankets around herself and clung to Legolas, who found this all VERY frightening, and his eyes were going all buggy.  
  
"Elvish is very fun to speak, isn't it?" She smiled at him. He stared at her. This was not the Joc he had known.  
  
Her hair, which had been fairly short and bleached blonde, showing only the dirty blonde at the roots, had known grown past her waist, the same dirty blonde with about 5 inches of blonde at the end. Her eyes were still the same vivid blue, but the sides were more slanted. The scary thing was that she must have had at least an extra 600 years to look the way she did.  
  
Legolas rubbed his head and sat up, forcing Joc to let go and fall back on the bed. "Maybe you should explain this. I mean, you are and you aren't Jocelyn." Joc nodded and looked thoughtful.  
  
"Well, Gandalf has a strange sense of humor. And I'm not sure if UI can go through with our wedding if your just going to invite any elf with a pretty face into your bed." She sat up and grabbed some clothes form the floor beside the bed.  
  
"ell that's understandable, but since it was you-" Legolas paused. "Our WHAT?!?!?" Joc started to giggle as she pulled on a dress, although half hidden under the blankets.  
  
"Our Wedding. Remember, you proposed in front of everyone later last night! It was very romantic!" Legolas stared at her blankly. "Well, I can't blame you for not remembering. You did drink the last of the 24 pack I had in my coat." Legolas shook his head. Well, that would explain the headache at least.  
  
"Uh, I'm sorry Joc, but I'm not sure if I'm-I'm ready for such a-a physical commitment." Joc winked at him.  
  
"Well you were last night!"  
  
"Last night I was shit faced drunk Joc!" she rolled her eyes and they both had just finished getting dressed as a hobbit stormed into the room.  
  
"HOW IS THIS FAIR?!?!?!" Joc looked down at the screaming half-sized halfling, whos sqeecking little voice was at the top of her lungs. Joc started to giggle.  
  
"Julia! Keep your voice down!" Joc stood up and giggled some more, being 3 and a half feet taller then her friend. "You look so short from up here! Wait! You ARE so short from up here!" Joc fell back onto the bed giggling. Julia looked at her.  
  
"Joc, what are you doing in Legolas' room? And stop laughing! BIG EARS!" Joc sat up and gasped.  
  
"At least I can still wear shoes! And pointy ears are all the rage in Rivendell!" Julia tried to slap Joc, only succeeding in hitting her stomach. "I'll show you hobbit!" Joc lunged at Julia, leaving a very confused legolas pulling on his shirt.  
  
Soon Boromir and Sam had heard the commotion and ran in. "Julia! Elfy! Stop fighting!" Sam pulled the two apart and blinked. "Uh, Julia.your shorter?" Julia glared at her and stomped out of the room. Boromir went over to legolas and pulled him into a side room.  
  
"Now, Legolas. I know that last night was a little wild and all;" He grinned and winked, leaving Legolas wondering what he'd done, but his face went somber again. "But that doesn't mean you can just get married to some elf and sleep with her! I know Joc wasn't there to see it, but I can't keep Sam from telling her soon. I say you break it off with the elf and find Joc before Sam does."  
  
"No! Boromir! You don't understand! I don't understand! The elf IS Jocelyn!" Legolas grabbed the human's shoulders and shook him.  
  
"Wha-? Who-? Joc-?" Boromir looked dumb founded, then shook his head. "Whoa. I didn't think you had THAT much to drink! You see my friend, Jocelyn is a human. About 13 years old. You hate her. Now I don't know who that elf is, through I wish I did, but she isn't Joc!" Legolas shook his head.  
  
"Well, you saw Julia, didn't you? She was a hobbit. Doesn't it make sense for Joc to be an elf?"  
  
"Well, not really. No." Legolas grabbed Boromir and shoved him out into the main chamber. Joc and Sam were staring at each other.  
  
"I never realized you were so.short." Joc poked her best friend.  
  
"Are those ears real?" Sam reached up and pulled one, making Joc swear in Elvish. "Hey.you didn't know those words!"  
  
"You should have seen me this morning! Oh my god! Leggy's face is so priceless when I flirt with him in Elvish!" Bormir was the one who blinked now. He walked over to Joc.  
  
"So he wasn't lieing!" He poked her ears.  
  
"Hey! Leave me alone!" She backed away.  
  
"told ya. Imagine waking up to that in the morning!" Legolas points at Joc, who looks slightly hurt.  
  
Boromir gets a dreamy look on his face. "Oh I would.I would." Joc gets frieghtened.  
  
"Boromir's scaring me! I feel dirty! I NEED A BATH!" Joc starts crying. Everyone looks at her. She blinks and stops. "Uhh..yeah." By this time Julia had come running back in screamed. She started to climb up Joc and tried to sit on her head. "HEY! Hobbit! OFF THE HAIR!" Julia flinched and jumped on to boromirs shoulder and clung to it as pippin and merry ran in.  
  
"Have either of you guys seen another hobbit by chance?"  
  
"she looks a lot like Julia?"  
  
"She IS Julia, Pippin!"  
  
Pippin was quiet. "That makes no sense."  
  
"So?" Merry looked up and saw Julia, ho screamed and merry and pippin lunged for her. Boromir ducked, causing Merry to ram into his arm, and pippin fly over his shoulder. Joc had ran under the bed, and legolas into the other room, as Sam stood there blinking.  
  
Gandalf had come in hearing the noise. He was still wearing the purple crown Joc had given him the other day. "So, I see you've found out!" he chuckled. They all stared at him. "You've found out what I've done." They all looked blankly at him. "Geez! I'VE HELPED YOU ALL! You stood out to much! All but Sam. You needed a cover! This works so well if your coming with the fellowship!"  
  
"WE'RE WHAT?!?!?" Joc started to jump up and down and legolas sighed and hung his head.  
  
"You see, you each look like a race. I'm sorry Jocelyn, but a girl with shoulder length highlighted hair just doesn't blend in." She looked a little hurt. Legolas stared.  
  
"YOU KNEW?!?!?" he stalked over to Gandalf. "You knew it was her and didn't tell me last night?"  
  
gandalf backed away, looking half injured, half insulted. "Well, if you had asked 'who's this elf I just proposed to' I would have told you, wouldn't I?" they glared and Legolas stormed out. Joc shrugged and followed him. 


	19. Oo Cody: Ooooo evilness

. ack.I forgot to do part of what I had wanted to do. Alright, I'll do it this chapter.  
  
*Hinthint* hmmm.I wonder what Cody is.  
  
Cody: oh shut up. I'm still angry.  
  
Joc: go away! You're the only 'cool' 'evil' one in the book! Oops.I said to much.*shifty eyes*  
  
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Joc followed Legolas as he walked through the corridors. "Hey! Wait up! STOP IT! I won't hold you to the wedding!" She had caught up to him and grabbed his arm and a doorway, pulling him to a stop. That doorway had just happened to be Cody's.  
  
As Legolas and Joc got into a 'heated' discussion, Cody opened his door. And glared at him. The evil death glare of death.  
  
"Cody! You're an Elf!" She went to hug him but Legolas pulled her back, glaring at Cody in the doorway. He wasn't just an elf.  
  
"Don't. Go. Near. Her." Legolas was actually protective! ^.^ maybe this was the beginning of something more! He turned Joc around a started stalking down the corridor, forcing Joc down to.  
  
"Hey! I wanna talk to Code! Limme-Ack!" Legolas covered her mouth and physically picked her up, put her over his shoulder and walked down as she complained.  
  
"Mmmf! Mmmfyohmmmfhhh!" She tried to kick him but he easily avoided it. Everyone was staring at them as the walked by, Joc on Legolas' shoulder, kicked in screaming. Every so often his hand would slip and you'd hear a 'I'll set my sporks on you!" or if she was really angry a "I know what you did last night!"((which wasn't surprising. Apparently everyone knew what legolas had done last night.but himself))  
  
He wasn't paying attention. Eventually he came back to his room, everyone was still in there of course. People tended to enjoy spending time in his room, which is kinda frightening when you think of it.  
  
"Everyone, out." He placed, no, threw Joc onto the bed, who was glaring at him. Legolas' voice was deathly quiet and one by one they filed out of the room. "Joc, I have a few things to tell you and a few things that you have to tell me. Alright?"  
  
"Fine. First, why won't you let me talk to Cody!" Joc pouted and crossed her arms.  
  
"because. You shouldn't. I don't trust him."  
  
"You didn't trust him before but I could talk to him! Plus he's an elf now, one of us!"  
  
"An elf Yes. One of us, No." Legolas glared at the door. Few people saw him this angry. "He's a dark elf, Jocelyn. Not to be trusted at all."  
  
"Hmm.makes sense. Anyway, I feel like having cinnamon sticks! You got any? Maybe a Snow Cone? Snow Cones are good!" She started to get up. Legolas put a hand on her shoulder sitting her back down.  
  
"No no no. Now I have a few questions. First of all, What happened last night?" He shook his head and looked totally confused again.  
  
"Oh my god! You don't remember do you?" Joc started to giggle. "Your foot wouldn't happen to be hurting, would it? I mean after all that." she trailed off into giggles. Legolas looked at his feet. They seemed normal. "And don't you touch Aragorn like that again! It's really very disturbing!" Joc shuddered, and Legolas got even more frightened. "But the best part had to be when you started to dance! I mean come on, what can beat a elf trying to belly-" Legolas put a hand on her mouth.  
  
"Maybe it's best I don't know." He stood up. "Uhh, one more think Joc. Did we uh-well did we do err.anything I'll regret later?"  
  
"what? Like shoot arrows at the hobbits? That was fun! I mean, what beats hiding in trees trying to hit hobbit feet! Other then Snow Cones of-" She got cut off by Legolas.  
  
"No, Like. //Something// something." by this time Legolas had gone bright red. It slowly dawned on Joc.  
  
"Oh.like.thaaaaaaattt." She had gone tomato red too. "No no no. It was just implied."  
  
"What?"  
  
"At the beginning of chapter 18. Nothing really happened. It was just implied that we." she trailed off. Legolas nodded. Thankfully.  
  
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Dirty people and dirty minds! Like I would have a chance with Legolas! Just because I mess with his head and sneak into his bed ((hey! That rhymes!)) doesn't mean we did anything! Sheez.  
  
Sam: *gigglez* Even if you wanted to!  
  
Joc: YOU HAVE NO PROOF!  
  
Sam: *waves Joc's diary around* oh, don't I?  
  
Joc: GIVE THAT BACK! *jumps at Sam*  
  
Julia: I know this was a short one, and we didn't get to do what we wanted, so it'll be in chapter 20! 


	20. Pineapples?

Please see foreword about thoughts in chapter 17.or maybe 18.I don't know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next morning, the fellowship was due to leave. They all sat in one of the many gardens in Rivendell, each thinking their own thoughts before they left.  
  
Pippin: Yay! Julia's my size now! I might have a chance!  
  
Merry: Yay! Julia's my size now! I might have a chance!  
  
Julia: Please, dear lord, don't let P&M((pippin and merry)) get any closer.I need my personal bubble!  
  
Gimli: The sooner I can get out of this wretched place the better. I HATE talking to elves belly buttons!  
  
Hobbit Sam: Master Frodo Doesn't look so good. I think that Master Frodo needs a bath. Or maybe Master Frodo needs some more food. Thank goodness Joc gave me rope. I had been looking for some  
  
Frodo: Why is Hobbit Sam looking at me like that. I think he wants me. I told him no once but he just won't give up, will he? Frodo edges away from Hobbit Sam, who edges closer.  
  
Aragorn: Arwen is hot. Arwen is hot. Cody is evil. Arwen is hot. Arwen is hot. Cody is evil. Arwen is hot. Arwen is-  
  
Cody: hot. Aragorn is evil. Arwen is hot. Arwen is hot. Aragorn is evil- Crossbows are pointy. Pointy things are good. ^.^ Pointy arrows for me! At this point Cody starts to fondle his crossbow that came with the whole dark elf thing, and Aragorn, Legolas and Boromir looked at each other, wondering if it was safe to let Cody have such pointy objects. Codys thoughts turned back to Arwen. Arwen is hot. Arwen is hot. Aragorn is evil.  
  
Boromir: Why does Joc keep acting like I'm going to Die. Am I going to die? Will I ever live to see Gandalf come back as the White Rider, or the Ents and their attack on Isengard? Wait a minute. How do I know these are going to happen. Boromir shook his head and continued plotting a way to get Cody's crossbow off him.  
  
Sam: Poor Boromir. He's gunna die. It's so sad. But he takes so damn long! I swear he's like an energizer bunny! Sam giggled and Boromir looked at her funny.  
  
Legolas: Why does everyone keep talking about my Feet? And why wont Aragorn look me in the eye anymore? WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT! My Hair feels dirty. I should wash it again soon.  
  
Lynn: Legolas hair looks dirty.in a hot sort of way. He's so hoooo- she gets distracted by an elf walking by. ooot..^.^ Geez, I love Rivendell! Rivendell; the wonderful city full of hot elf ass! Plus some other peoples. Is that a pineapple? I like pineapples. Legolas would like pineapples too.Legolas ^.^ she let out a dreamy sigh abnd continued to ramble about pineapples and legolas. Gandalf had no thought.he was busy playing gameboy. 


	21. He sacraficed himself for the good of th...

Ok, I know it's short, but it's wonderous! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
"DOUGH! THE STUFF THEY MAKE TWINKIES WITH!"  
  
Legolas' eye twitched.again. Boromir sighed and sunk his head in his hands as Aragorn tried to decide the easiest way to kill himself. Soon after they left Rivendell, Joc had convinced both Samantha and Julia in a off-tone redition of 'Dough, a twinkie.[sung to the tune of 'doe, a deer]" To show why they companions had enough.well, they were almost at Hollin.  
  
"RAY! THE GUY WHO-" Joc got cut off as Legolas kissed her squarely in the mouth. She made a strange muffled sighed and kissed him back. Legolas stood back up, his eye twitch and continued walking. Everyone had stopped staring at him. Joc follwed him, almost floating she was so happy.  
  
"WHAT?!?! I got her to shut up, right?" the others only had to agree with Legolas with that fact. The continued to walk. Soon they came to Hollin and they had a breakfast. Aragorn was sitting beside Legolas as Joc ran off to talk and giggle with Sam.  
  
"you know, that was really very Heroic. The whole self-sacrafice thing" Aragorn said it quietly. Legolas's eye twitched again and he made a small noise of pain. "I don't even think I could kiss her.If I knew who she was. I mean, just as an elf.." Aragorn wolf whistled and Legolas stared at him. "urrr, wrong choice of words?" Legolas sighed and let his mind wander. Cody was still sitting, glaring at Aragorn and fiddling with his arrows. How he had gotten them back..  
  
Legolas sighed and rubbed his head. He looked back up and there was a black cloud. Well no, actauly it was great crows coming towards them to spy for the great never blinking eyes. He stood up. "THE BIRDS! THEY'RE AFTER US!" everyone looked at him. Maybe he got something from kissing Joc.or she was just rubbing off on him. "LOOK! OVER THERE!" he dove under a bush and so did the others.but Joc.  
  
"Hey! Birdies! So cute! Black too! Black is good! Pretty birdi-" Boromir ran out, grabbed Lynn, gagged her and pulled her into the bush. 


	22. Karaoke?

Sorry for the delay writers block is evilicous. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"The only way is over the mountains." Gandalf said. "Unless we-"  
  
"Go through Moria? I know. I read the books. I am so smart! S-M-R-T!" Joc started to sing, to the horror of all around. She had no singing voice.  
  
"JOC! SHUT IT!" It was Cody who came over and slapped her.  
  
"DON'T SLAPP THE HYPER ONE!" Sam yelled at him.  
  
All where quiet.excluding Joc, who continued to sing.  
  
"I am so smart! S-" Joc looked all happy. "So! On to Moria!"  
  
".How can we get to Moria? I DON'T WHERE THE DOOR IS!" Gandalf stared at her.  
  
"...though the door?" Joc stared back.  
  
".where is the door?"  
  
"Where door is."  
  
"But where is that?"  
  
"Where it-" Joc was cut off by Sam.  
  
"SHUT! UP!" Now Sam slapped her.  
  
"Why must I always be slapped?" Joc looked all forlorn.sadly tricking Legolas into coming to comfort her.  
  
"It's alright, Dear." He said, patting her back.  
  
".Did you just call me Dear?" Joc looked all happy again.  
  
He coughed nervously. "Uhh, anyway." they stared at him.  
  
"IT'S KAROKE NIGHT!" Joc had taken the chance to pull a karoke set, and t.v. set from her magical trench coat. Why she had it in her coat, we shall never know. Not that you would want to know.  
  
"Kar-oke?" Boromir who looked confuzzled had given Sam the uncanny thought that she was clinging to a male version of Joc. She would have to re-think their relationship.if they had one.  
  
Even as Boromir asked, Joc started to belt out the lyrics to 'Get this party Started'.  
  
"Get this party starting on a Saturday night! Everybody waitin' for me to arrive!" She started to dance along with the song as the fellowship looked on in horror. Except for Hobbit Sam, who was bopping his head to the music. Frodo glared at him, so he stopped.  
  
Sam drove at the karoke machine to save Joc from herself. Legolas' boy-band good looks were starting to wear Joc down into a prep. Luckily the next song was 'Fat Lip', starting Sam into a duet with Joc, scaring the fellowship even more.  
  
"Storming through the party like my name was El Nino. Hanging out, drinking out in the back of an El Camino. As a kid, I was a skidd, nobody knew me by name. I trashed my own house party cause no body came-" They continued to sing it and finally Aragorn came to stop them.  
  
"Errrrrr..Hello? Are you alright? I mean.. Drinking in a.ell Cameano?"  
  
"NO! EL CAMINO!" They shouted at the same time.  
  
"Hey you-" they did it again.  
  
"But I said-" They stared at each other.  
  
"Legolas is hot!" It was Sam that shouted it.  
  
"AHHH! MIND MELD!" Joc ran away screaming and hiding behind Legolas, who looked confused. "And Sam, stop thinking about Boromir that way! IT'S JUST WRONG!"  
  
"You do the same with Legolas!"  
  
"I'M INNOCENT!"  
  
"Oh, and that's why you want to see him later in a bathtub with whipped cream and strawberries?"  
  
"STOP IT! I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU AND JOE!"  
  
". I don't like him."  
  
"But your me. And I do like him! So that means you like him cause I'm you and your thinking like me and GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF MY ELF!" Joc slapped Sam as she tried to hide behind Legolas too.  
  
"This is pure evil at it's best. And enteraining too!" By this time Boromir had found the Karoke machine and was singing 'I'm like a bird!" and Jerry Springer came out from behind a big rock.  
  
"On today's show, Get your dirty mind-melding hands off my elf's ass, we have Sam and Joc. With background music by 'The Fellowship' feel free to get their new c.d. of remixes after!" It was Jerry Springer.only an Orc.  
  
"I KNEW HE WASN'T HUMAN! IT'S HIM AND MICHEAL JACMKSON, I SWEAR!" Aragorn had been clapping to the beat of "Cleaning out my closet" as he saw Orc- Jerry, and chopped his head off, then went back to the music.  
  
"Mind meld is over.I am not attracted to Humans! .that sounded wrong." Joc shook her head. 


	23. She stole his heart? awwwww

That one was an interesting chapter.I was talking with Sam about Karaoke.and Jerry Springer. Well not really. More Babies and large muffins. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It had been a long night of listening to Boromir trying to sing. Finally he gave up and they put in c.d.s instead of karaoke. The first song was 'Stairway to Heaven". They slowly broke into couples;  
  
Legolas and Jocelyn; Boromir and Sam; to Julia's horror, her and Pippin; Frodo and Hobbit Sam.after a hard look from Aragorn they stopped dancing though. Aragorn and Gimli. Merry stayed out, glaring at them.Cody with his crossbow.he had grown very //very//, attached to it. And Samantha had suddenly grown 3 years older in a night!  
  
As Sam and Boromir started to dance, and shadowy figure appeared on the edge of their vision. //dun dun dun//.  
  
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRL!" Chi-chi yelled. This 'Chi-chi" As Joc ran over, actually Leaving Legolas, after he willingly danced with her ((The ideas in this chapter are not my opinion. Frankly I'ld be a dumb ass if I did that)), yelling "CHI-CHI!" In a squeaky chipmunk voice and hugged him.  
  
"I told you to stop calling me that!"  
  
"Fine, Teddy bear man."  
  
"THAT TOO!"  
  
"Whatever, Mo-jo-jo-jo."  
  
"Please.stop.I'm here only to appear heroic, capture Samantha's heart, and bring her home."  
  
"You can bring us home?" Julia ran over.  
  
"Well, no, not really."  
  
"Damn."  
  
Joe shrugged and walked away.  
  
"Well that was interesting. Shall we dance, Jocelyn, or should I say, THE WOMAN WHO STOLE MY HEAT AND STEPPED ON IT!" Legolas glared at Joc.  
  
"What.I stole your heart? Awww, that's so sweet!" Joc ran over and hugged an aspirated Legolas.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Will Legolas apologise to Joc for something he didn't do? Will Boromir confess his deep longing for Chocolate? WILL WE EVER GET OUT OF THIS GOD- FORSAKEN LAND?!?!?! Stay tuned next time on Days of our Lives, I mean, the Downfall! 


	24. Eitshun Tirelea EITSHUNNNNNNN!”

We last left our companions-  
  
Cody: I don't want to be your companion anymore.  
  
Joc: Are you suggesting we kill you off? That could be arranged.*snaps fingers and Aragorn comes up threateningly*  
  
Cody: Urrrr...no, It's perfectly alright. ^-^'  
  
Joc: Good. Now, We last left our companions dancing in Moria with Joe, aka He-who-appears-once-every-23-chapters.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Joc sighed. Legolas was still angry, why she had no idea. With who, she had no idea. But she had the nagging feeling that he didn't like Boromir that much as Legolas glared at her and etched into the rock wall "Eitshun Tirelea. EITSHUNNNNNNN!" Die Tirelea ((that's joc's elven name.hint hint, username)). DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!. She sighed and turned back to Julia and Sam. Cody was sitting on a rock, stroking his crossbow.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cody:. That sounded wrong.  
  
Joc: It was supposed to.  
  
Cody: Oh, ok.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I think Legolas Is angry at that human." Joc glared at Bormirs back and Samantha coughed uncomfortable. "Oh, sorry. I need shampoo." Joc twitched and reached into her coat, taking out her bottle of 'Elven Essences' Shampoo. ((It was really Herbal Essences, but she crossed out Herbal and wrote Elven on the side .))  
  
"This is.frightening." Julia said as Pippin and Merry talked in quiet tones, sometimes looking at her and giggling.  
  
"Atikain hamol. Estel yanikil hamol. Boromir yanikil hamol. Sam yanikil hamol..AMIN CAMAT HAMOLIR!" Damn Humans. Estel's a human. Boromir's a human. Sam's a human.I'M SUROUNDED BY HUMANS! Lynn started to sob into her hands and Cody looked up.  
  
"Why are you speaking Tel'Kiquessar?" He looked slightly confussed.  
  
Joc looked over at him. "Wha?"  
  
"You were speaking Dark elven.." He blinked aht her and Legolas continued to glare at her before writing something else on the wall.  
  
She shook her head and looked up to the front of the line. "Whats taking so long?" She said angrily. She pushed past Aragorn and Boromir, the hobbits and Gimli to the front were Gandalf was standing at two passages.  
  
"Whats are you waiting for?" She slapped his arm. "Go!"  
  
"I can't do that. I don't know which corridor it is."  
  
"The right one. Now lets go. Pippin, don't touch anything. If I'm lucky We'll get through with Gandalf still alive and ruin the rest of the plot cause there won't be a white rider." She glared at them and started out into the right hand passage, Gandalf meekly following her. Soon enough, with her wonderful leading, they got to the bridge of Khazad-Dur with out the Balrog, Orcs, and anything on they're trail.This was also helped by the fact that she insisted Pippin be tied up and carried.  
  
Boromir and Aragorn, who were carrying Pippin, were talking in quiet tones, and Legolas soon joined them.  
  
"Wonder why she's so pissed." Boromir said quietly to the others.  
  
"Maybe it's that time of the month." Aragorn winked at him, chuckling.  
  
"Elves don't have that, you idiot. Only mating seasons." Legolas slapped Aragorn.  
  
"Looks like we have too anger elves on our hands, Aragorn." Boromir said, looking at Legolas.  
  
"Oh, shut up. Hamol. Go get some soap. You smell like a human." He pushed past time and went up to Sam and Julia.  
  
"I AM a human!" Aragorn shouted after him. 


	25. Let's all 'Grieve! '

Sam: Oooooo, mating seasons.this should be interesting.  
  
Joc: Shut up. It's true. I know too much. I need a live.  
  
Cody: Yes, yes you do.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sam was watching Gandalf walk along. If he didn't go over the edge, all of Middle earth would be doomed! Well more doomed then it was.  
  
"Hey, Gandy. Whats up?" She smiled at him. He blinked and looked up.  
  
"Urrr. A giant roofy thingy?" He shrugged and Sam sighed.  
  
"Nevermind. Is That a quarter?" She pointed at the bridge.  
  
"Really? Wow! Wait a minute, whats a quart- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" He took a breath "-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Samantha had pushed him off the bridge.  
  
She looked all innocent and continued to walk as Frodo burst into tears. Once outside on the mountains they had a chance to 'grieve'. This 'Grieving' constested of Legolas glaring at Jocelyn, Giving Hobbit Sam a chance to hug Frodo, Giving Boromir a chance to glare at Sam, then hug her and Cody a chance to fire his crossbow at snowmen he made.  
  
"Anyway, we have to go on!" Aragorn tried to look all heroic and Jocelyn slapped him.  
  
"NO! I'm in charge you lazy greasy human! On to Lorien!" She started off down the mountain with a ingured looking Aragorn following her. 


	26. Davien! or should we say Davie?

Now this'll be an amazing improvement on my other writing. XDD I've had . . .practice. o_o;; and once again; Samantha is wonderful at giving me Muse after I've lost my affixation with Legolas. *Wipes tear*  
  
Quiet sobs echoed through the silent golden glowing woods; the two grieving hobbits trailing behind or merry group of travelers.  
  
"This sucks. This sucks Ass. Sucks more ass than . . .. Than . . .. Samwise!" Legolas muttered under his breath; still bored out of his mind. Of course he felt bad for Gandalf's . . .. Murder; but he got past that easily.  
  
"So; anyway. I was like 'you can't do that' and he was all 'oh hell I can!' so I was like 'then do it' and he-Pretty butterfly!" Joc on the other hand was getting along quite well as she skipped along; and yes, even Cody was feeling rather good in his hot black leather clothes and jet black-blue skin in Lorien. The tall trees overpowered them as Sam and Julia were speaking quietly about when they might get home.  
  
Aragorn and Boromir were also talking quietly; them however about if they had both seen Samantha push a poor; senile old man over the edge of a bridge that descended into the bowels of the earth. They decided . . . yes.  
  
The Fellowship walked along, pondering as to whether they would be able to survive this journey. Oh, it wasn't the Orcs and Uruk-hai and other evilness that bothered them, no, what worried them was Joc. She scared them.  
  
Finally they gave in and walked in silence with Joc ruining the gloomy effect by her skipping ahead. Finally she got far enough ahead they lost sight of her.  
  
" . . .Shouldn't we keep an eye on her?" Sam asked rather dully.  
  
"Nah. She'll be . . .. Fine." Cody was randomly shooting at trees with his shiny crossbow.  
  
"Stop doing that. Dammit. They all think that they can just run in here; light some fires; bring ass-ugly dwarves with axes and it'll allllll be hunky-dory. Well . . . damn that!" The new voice rambled into Elvish as The fellowship bounced and spun around, looking for the source. Soon enough they heard a giggle and saw the Grey of Lynn's trenchcoat . . .up a tree with Lynn; clinging to a rather nice-looking elf half-supporting her.  
  
"The hell?" Sam blinked and squinted to look up at Joc; giggling and frailing her legs in the air half upside down.  
  
"Who's this thing belong to?" He called back down; gesturing with his head towards Lynn.  
  
"Him." They all pointed at Legolas at the same moment; as he groaned inwardly.  
  
"Fine. Catch." He quite suddenly let go of Lynn . . .. Or at least tried. She suddenly quite liked the crook of his arm and was scream in panic at being dropped. "Dear gawd." He groaned and tried to shake her loose.  
  
"Trust me. Her grip could kill an orc." Legolas said bluntly. Davien nodded and slowly disappeared from sight to come down to the ground to meet the others; muttering under his breath.  
  
They waited rather patiently; knowing well what Davien must be putting up with. Finally there was a slight thud and an indignant noise from Lynn as she shuffled out of the underbrush; the elf sitting rather calmly in a tree about 5 feet up.  
  
"So. . ." He cleared he throat to sound formal. "What brings you to the golden wood; place of the Lady of Light and all around prettifulness?" He had rather short hair for an elf, coming only to his shoulders as he looked at them.  
  
It was Aragorn who stepped forward; self-decided leader of the group as the others shoot glared full of hate at his back. Cody rather nearly shot something much more pointy with his crossbow; but was restrained by Boromir.  
  
"Well, you see, We're sorta going to Mt. Doom and That short guy there has this evil ring and. . .yeah." Sam rolled her eyes and finally came forward; still looking rather nice; although she refused to take off her blue dress, and so still wore over rather male breaches and vest.  
  
"Yeah. And it's quite nice here. Now run along, elfy-boy and leave us be. Or bring us to whats her face. . . .phhhhft." She rolled her eyes and Davie sent a deathglare at her.  
  
"You've got one hell of a mouth on your for a human. And what are you doing with a Drow?" He scowed deeply. "Come to think of it; why's he even here? I mean; wouldn't the light hurt your eyes, Ilythiiri?"  
  
Cody's multi-facetedx eyes blinked for a second before he screamed in pain and fell into a crupple on the ground; trying to bury his head into the leaves.  
  
". . .Wondered what would happen when he remembered. . ." Lynn commented; going over and taking out a blindfold; gently wrapping it around his eyes and stroking his colorless hair. "Gi, Ol orn tlu tenu, mrannd'ssinss. Talinth bauth l' oloth. . ." They all stared at him from awhile.  
  
"Tirelea. . . .you did it again. . ." Legolas edged away from her.  
  
"Did what?" She looked back up innocently.  
  
"Spoke mori'quessir. . ." He said quietly; scowling at her as she shrugged; even Davien looking at her strangely.  
  
"Oh; you shut up. . . ." She glared as Cody shakingly got up; the dark heavy cloth covering his eyes.  
  
"Uhh. . .thanks." He said slowly as Davien snorted in distaste.  
  
"Well; I do believe that I'll be taking you to Galadriel." He said with a shrug; easily dropping down gracefully and landing in a crouch.  
  
"Well. . .whats your name, anyway?" Sam asked curiously; falling into step beside Boromir.  
  
"Davien." He answered slightly with a shrug.  
  
"D-A-V-I-E-N? Like. . .Davie?" Lynn smiled slightly, skipped along once more.  
  
". .. Amin Delotha lle." 


	27. You're Paying for that Window!

Updated Muse: . . . .*is gone*  
  
Joc: . .Urk. x_x  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Why didn't you bother blindfolding us like in the book? You know. With the dwarf and everything." Joc commented randomly, now having forced Cody with his new naturally submissive nature to carry her.  
  
"Yeah. Even -I- know that, Davie." Samantha pointed out with a nod as she struggled through the thick underbrush without ripping her dress. Quite a difficult task, by the way.  
  
". . . . . . You shuddup. And it's DavieN, thankyouverymuch." He muttered, sulking slightly as he walked. They walked on with relative silence as Joc randomly giggled and poked Cody, oh looked at seemingly mundane things about them. It took surprisingly little time before they got the city. The glorious city! The lovely, shining city made up of-  
  
"What the -hell- are those things!?!?!" Aragorn broke in, staring up the tree.  
  
"Elevators. How the hell do you -think- we get up a five hundred foot tree?" Davien said dryily as Joc and Sam looked back over at each other with hope. Technologyyyyyyy. Thank goooood. Davien came up and pressed the 'Up' button. Then waited. And waited. And-  
  
"These eluhveters are awfully slow." Boromir pointed out dully.  
  
"Yeah well. . . .you shuddup." Davien repeated once more. Finally the bing, the long awaited and longed for bing, announced the arrival of said 'Eluhveter'. They all packed in, the hobbits finally having to be held and squished against the others. Merry rather liked being squished against Joc.  
  
"Hey there little buddy! Son cute! So cyoooote!" She started pinching his cheeks. The happiness of bodily contact wore of quickly.  
  
"I think I'm going to vomit." Cody said weakly, his black face going slightly greyish. There was somehow a large amount of room about him in a cramped elevator.  
  
"Darkies don't take well to heights. . . Moria was more fun."  
  
"Moria. . . .Moria is my god. NO! no! Lloth! Lloth! We loves Lloth, yes we does!" He said quickly, spinning around him.  
  
". ..He's gone paranoid." Boromir whispered to Aragorn quietly near the window.  
  
"So? Nothing wrong with Paranoia, ya false Steward." Aragorn muttered back.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Fo' Shizzle!" He responded.  
  
"Whatcha gunna do about it, Arrie? Shank me?"  
  
"Hell ya!" He reached for his sword and drew it with a pretty twirl, forcing everyone back over to Cody. Joy of joys.  
  
"Don't do it! Don't sacrifice yourself for me, Johnny!" Sam cried out, running too the two of them.  
  
"No, Not for ya, but I gotta. I just- . .. Johnny? Who's Johnny?" Boromir looked back to Sam a little strangely.  
  
". . ." Sam had shifty eyes as she looked around the Elevator.  
  
"Ohhh, Sammy's got a secret Love! Sammy's-" Joc was cut off by Sam looking out the huge window.  
  
"LOOK! NAZGUL!" She screamed as everyone stared back out the window.  
  
"What? Nah, that's just one of 'em pretty birdies!" Joc complained as boromir squinted to get a better look. Then got whacked in the back of the head by Aragorn, crashing against the window and shattering it, then falling out to the ground.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO-" Sam screamed, running up to the window before Aragorn caught her, holding her back.  
  
"It was best for all of us, Samantha." He said with frightening passion and. . .blood. .. lust. Yeah. That's it.  
  
". .. It's true, ya know. Otherwise he'd have died from big crossbow bolts. Yeah." Joc said wisely.  
  
"Oh joy. Now we gotta pay for the window. It's coming outta your pocket, Elessar!" Davien pointed accusingly to Aragorn.  
  
Yeah. . . .We killed of Boromir early. _ Sam decided that Aragorn was hotter. XDD Next chapter coming soon! *is working on it now* 


	28. Why is he? I don't wanna know

You can all yell at Samantha for forcing me to continue on this tragic tale of mirth! *was reading Shakespeare*  
  
"Welcome to Lothlorien! Original City of the Elves and a helluva lot better then Rivendell-"  
  
"YOU CHEAT!"  
  
"And even more better then Mirkwood."  
  
"LIES!"  
  
Joc looked around slightly, in bless. "Future Shops! Palm Pilots! I'M IN HEAVEN!" She squealed, bouncing away from then once in the true city, nearly falling off a branch a few times as she went on hopping, bouncing and squealing.  
  
"It's better than Heaven! LOOK! HOT ELF WITH MP3S!" Sam gasped and pointed at one of the elves walking by before he was tackled blindly by both Joc and her.  
  
". . . I'm Frightened." Frodo murmured quietly to Sam, one of his first lines.  
  
" . . .I'll hold you, Mr. Frodo." Samwise told him confidentially.  
  
"GAWD! STOP DOING THAT!" Frodo screamed, whacking the hobbit away.  
  
". . . Common, Let's go see the Lady."  
  
"You mean Galadriel? Prissy Elf lady of the Woods?" Julia Asked slightly confused as she held Pippin at bay with a branch. Merry had since attempted to grope at Joc, who giggled and snogged her random elf. Ah, brilliant.  
  
". . .Yes, that Lady."  
  
"Galadriel of the sparkly eyes of Dwarven fame?" Gimli asked, looking up at him.  
  
"Ye- WHAT?!?! The dwarves got a thing for the eyes too?!!?" Davien sighed, rubbing his forehead slightly. "Oh I give up. Let's just go."  
  
It was surprisingly easy for them to get the Lothlorien Lady, although several Elves in black suits with little headsets surrounded her.  
  
"Welcome, Men, Fellow elves, and halflings. I know of why you've come-"  
  
"For your Internet?" Joc cut in with huge, loving, hopeful eyes.  
  
". . .No, For the-"  
  
"For the free Palm Pilot games?" Sam interrupted, holding aforementioned Palm Pilot close to her chest.  
  
". . .No... The -ring-. . . " She sighed once more. "Now, back to me-"  
  
"Yes. . You. Lady, you are so beautiful. . Your eyes so sparkly. . "  
  
"Gawds, don't remind me. Damn those Christmas Lights! CELLLLEBBBOOOOORN!" She half screamed before her well training husband hurried back.  
  
"Yes dear?" He asked quickly.  
  
"Can you get those damn things -down-?!? I mean it's already June!" She complained, gesturing wildly to the dangling Xmas lights.  
  
"Yes, Dear. Love you, Dear."  
  
"Yes, Yes. Now hurry up and do it!" She sighed slightly, giving a discontent Snort as Celeborn began to jump to try and grab the Christmas lights that reflected in her eyes. Cody coughed to cover his "Whipish!" sound.  
  
"Look who's talking, Darkie-boy." Joc murmured quietly, having climbed onto his back and carve pretty designs into his shoulder with a dagger while her other hand played with the whip at his belt. "Now common! Real noise! Real noise!" She tried to untie it, but failed horribly and left off.  
  
"You two hush up!" Galadriel glared at the two of them. "Now, As I was saying . . . Oh, screw it. Celeborn, come on. I've got to go pee."  
  
"Coming, Dear."  
  
" . . .what?!?! Why does he-. . .but she-. .. . Ew." Aragorn gave a shudder as Sam sobbed into his tunic, now back to grieving for Bory-poo.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes. That was. . .Disturbing. 


	29. Ah yes Elven Shoplifting

I've just realized I probably ought to up the rating a bit more. XDD *snort*  
  
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They finally were able to leave the Lady of the Wood to her and Celeborns. . Activities. Joc and Sam ran off to go 'shopping' for electronics they hadn't even had a chance to beg for back home and the others found just where they were staying, a local Hojo. Oh no. Not a Howard Johnson. A Hondil Jostanyl. Very nice. And cheap.  
  
There was some cheesy scene between the PMSing Galadriel and Frodo. Quite scary, really.  
  
Finally, it came time to leave. Galadriel was still angry with Frodo and so had one of her ladies give them out. Much to the disapproval of Gimli and her anger that Samwise already had rope.  
  
Joy of joys.  
  
Finally it was time to load onto the boats as Joc and Sam shuffled forward, Sam in large, baggy clothes and Joc holding her trench coat close to her. It didn't take terribly long before Elf Security came to them, clearing his throat.  
  
"My, your clothes look awfully . . .baggy and.. . Full of stolen goods."  
  
"Yes, Yes they do. . Don't they, Joc?" Sam asked innocently.  
  
"Oh yes. It's uhh . . .All the rage in Rivendell, you know." Joc covered, nodding once more.  
  
"Oh really? Well finally! I always hated going there. Those Robes really did nothing to show my hips-" The Elf trailed off slightly, shifting his weight back onto his other leg.  
  
"RUN SAM! RUN! I'LL HOLD HIM OFF!" Joc screamed, pointing at the tethered boats as Sam ran towards them, electric plugs falling out of her clothes as she flung herself into the coat as Joc took the chance to snog the surprised Security and then also run to the Get-a-way boat.  
  
The fellowship sighed as Joc and Sam attempted to paddle off with the boat still tied to the tree dockness. Finally Galadriel sighed, rubbing her temple.  
  
"Oh hell. Just leave, dammit." She pointed to the boats. "Just. . . .go. GO! SHOO! Celeborn, Make 'em go!" they rather quickly went into the boats at that point. Oh goody day. 


End file.
